The Raging Storm
As I stood on the shore looking out into the sea, which was my life, the immense power of the crashing waves was fed by anger rooted in fear. It called to me, and I was afraid.
For years it called to me, and over time, its voice became familiar and soothing. Believing that surely God was holding out on me and that it was the only way to get off the shore and survive the crashing sea of my life, I succumbed. It became my mentor and my protector, charting courses strategically this way and that way. Jesus wept.
I almost never noticed that I was sick with the quick changing motion that was slowly wearing my spirit, soul, and body down. I learned how to stay above water and how to ride the waves of anger, control, anxiety, fear, shame….. a rider of the tides. On the surface, I learned to look like the best wave rider anyone could lay eyes on. I mean really…so many eyes watching and rating my performance as I handled each small swell or each jagged crashing wave. The master illusionist was at work. I didn’t dare look back to the shore. I would not go back and start all over again. Jesus wept.
Becoming good at performing on this unstable foundation, I began to believe that I was controlling and charting my own course with strategy and performance. In truth, it mastered and controlled me. After so many years of living in the sea of anger, all I could do was…be angry–no, enraged at every uncontrollable break. One wave, in particular, taunted me over and over again. Rolling me beneath the surface time and time again, it laughed at me, called me names, threatened to take my life and convinced me that it would be just if it did. I believed. Jesus wept.
We met one day, during a stormy season out at sea. He held me, and I found rest.
The reality is that my performance was not as good as I thought. For so long I trod vigorously while waves of fear turned to insecurity…turned to anxiety…turned to anger, all at once, tossed me in all directions, numbing my mind, will, emotion, and body to its assault. Jesus wept.
“I am weary. Jesus, you stood on the raging waters in the storm and carried me in your arms. I found rest. You wiped the blinding rain from my eyes. Will you now calm the waters and the storm? I can’t survive on my own. I need rest. Jesus, I don’t want to be sinking in this fear turned to insecurity…turned to anxiety…turned to anger anymore. Please, would you give me peace.”
And just like that, He waved His righteous arm across the horizon and the storm cowered and the crashing water became still. We floated on our backs for awhile and my spirit, soul, and body found peace with Jesus.
As I stand on the shore looking out into the sea which is my life, the immense power of my God calls to me. I am not afraid. I am not ashamed. The shore that holds my past is redeemed, and its memories are renewed with new spiritual perspective. I look back with love and tenderness and welcome it as part of who I am now, renewed and stronger in Him. I swim in the infinite depths of God’s Love, Grace, and Mercy with uninhibited childlike faith.
The Calm in the Spirit
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